There is a nice addition to the end of "Staring at the Sun" called a "Reader's Guide" which is a long list of reflecting questions posed throughout the entire book. Again, the citations will be in italic font and my answers will be in "regular text."
Reader's Guide: Staring at the Sun
-have you too confronted death? do you share his fear or have such a dark shadow over your life? do you disagree or agree that such a dark shadow exists for most if not all of us?
I have confronted death. Many of us fell that we are on "borrowed time." However, that is irrelevant. Sooner or later something is going to "awaken" us to the fact that though we are 17, ten feet tall, bullet proof, have the world at our fingertips, and know everything about anything... there is still much work to do in this brief study hall that we call life. I do not fear death. I am aware of its inevitability. I am not comfortable with it, but I know that it will never cease and thus I (and everyone) must find a way to cope with it. I agree that there is a "shadow of death" for all of us. If you lead such a blessed life as to not "worry about such things" you are living a life of denial, not one of authenticity, which I firmly advocate.
-do you agree that confronting death is like staring into the sun - something painful, difficult, but necessary if we are to go on living as fully conscious individuals who grasp the true nature of our human condition, our finiteness, our brief time in the light?
I would agree that it is painful, difficult, and necessary, etc... However, I would compare it more to staring into a dark oblivion. It is haunting to not know what is out there, when it will consume you, or if there is any hint of brilliance or reprieve on the other side.
-Freud believed that much of our mental problems are a result of repressed sexuality. Irvin Yalom says that much of our anxiety and psychopathology can be traced back to death anxiety. Do you agree? Is that true for you?
I believe that many of our mental problems can be traced back to anxiety and certainly nearly all are exacerbated by anxiety. This may be from repressed sexuality or from terrors of death or something different all together. I believe that the genesis of our mental and social condition is irrelevant. The point is that it is. The question of concern is not HOW or WHY did this happen, but WHAT are you going to do about it and WHEN?
-what is your own greatest fear associated with death? can you put it in words? Can you visualize it? have you ever had anxiety fears that you think are really based on a fear of death?
My greatest fear of death is the uncertainty that it holds. Paradise or heaven is wonderful thought indeed; lest I be bound for perdition, the serenity flowered by this all too bittersweet life is something that I would garner and cherish for eons to come, even in the midst of hell. Again, the post-death debate, I feel, is irrelevant because of our inability to know for certain what is constituted after death. What is certain is that we are going to die. If you are destined for hell would you want to change that? If your faith secures you a front row seat to paradise, do you really think those VIP seats come at an easy cost? If you are going to die and then there will then be nothing, are you satisfied with what you will leave behind?
-have you ever had an "awakening experience" in your life? how has this kind of experience influenced you or not in the past? do you think such an awakening has the potential to make you appreciate life more or feel differently about death?
I have had many awakening experiences. In fact, I would go as far as to say that there is not just one of them in a person's lifetime, but several reoccurring events that culminate and manifest the persons whom we are today. Every experience has the opportunity to slap us in the face and realize how precious life is. Be it a negative experience to alert us of a need for change or joyous moment to revel in the splendor of what is and how fragile it has become. How has it (or they) influenced me? Read this blog...
-who do you think you've influenced so far with the "ripppling" in your life? whom do you think you might influence with rippilng in the future? "are there any aphorisms, ideas, or sayings that you've repeated to yourself in time of stress or when you are experienceing fear of death?
Given the context of rippling, we influence everyone we come into contact with. I have heard it said many times that some people are in your life for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. I have no doubt that I have influenced many people just by conversing with them, be it small talk in a workplace hallway, a classroom debate, or even an inebriated fever-dream of a conversation as a bar is closing. I make many efforts to reach other people; through this blog, my personal training, coaching, and most importantly echo my sentiments of life into every person that I come into contact with whether it is for 5 seconds or for 50 years.
-do you agree that being connected intimately to another person can help you deal with the fear of death? Have you ever had such an experience yourself? have you ever felt the loneliness of isolation from other people? Have you ever felt what Dr. Yalom calls existential loneliness, when you realize that no one knows how it is to be you except you, and you understand that death is an end also of the world you constructed throughout your lifetime? Is there a particular film you've seen that demonstrates human empathy as you have known or would like to know it? can you look forward in your life five or ten years and imagine regrets you could have if you keep doing what you're doing now? can you imagine living in such a way that when you look back a year or five years from now, you will have built no new regrets?
Intimate connection can definitely sooth the burning terror of death. The experiences are too numerous to count. Some call venting emotions drama, but in reality it is the most common, most affluent, and possibly the most affective form of therapy. I was a very anti-social person growing up, very much what one would call a "loner." I have been a dedicated student to existential thought, so yes, I have felt existential loneliness in the worst, and best, kind of way. My favorite film of all time is "V for Vendetta", for its social/political and philosophical implications. I can only think of where I would like to be in the future and my only fear would be not being there and the only regret not taking the chance to make those "dreams" come true. I cannot imagine a life without regret. It is inevitable. If someone says they don't regret anything, they are lying. That being said, there are things that if I had my life to do over again I would certainly change. However, I do not despair or lament over them, in fact, I appreciate them all the more because without them it would not be possible for me to be who I am today.
-can you remember your first experience with human death? who was the first person really close to you who died, and what kind of an experience wast that for you? have you been to many funerals? have you ever had a near-death experience? what was your reaction? how do you feel about it now? do you feel that you've fulfilled your childhood dreams? have you fulfilled your potential? how do you feel about Dr. Yalom's saying that his work and personal beliefs are rooted in a secular, existential worldview that rejects supernatural beliefs? is faith or religion part of how you cope with death? what do you feel about Dr. Yalom's lack of belief in an afterlife and his statement that the mind ends when the brain stops functioning?
I don't think I was even in high school yet when the coach of my junior football team passed after a tragic automobile accident. He was a family friend and was fairly close to me and our family. I have been to several funerals and currently work in hospital and (somewhat unfortunately) have become accustomed to seeing corpses. I do not recall my first near-death experience as there have been several, and each time they (quite literally) scare the piss out of me. They make me thankful to still be living and have a little more time to share all that I know and all that I am with the rest of the world, whether they hear those cries or not is not my discretion. I think that the world could stand to benefit resurging the romanticism associated with existentialism. Precisely, it would be good for all of us to read a little more Shakespeare and Camus instead of getting bogged down in the techno-science industry or "heaviness" of Schopenhauer and Kant. Secularism has led us to cynicism, or worse, apathy, and could very well be the cause of the very death anxiety Dr. Yalom is trying to combat. I do not, or do not want to, believe that the mind ends at death, however, that may very well be the case. At any rate, as I stated earlier, that is irrelevant because it is unknown. You are here-and-now and you will someday die. Those are both garaunteed. The prowess and sentiment lies in choice. Whether it is free or not, we act accordingly as if it were. Make something of yourself. Have the desire to savor agony, embrace sorrow, cause the tears of, and have the compassion to love and want to be everything that ever lived.
-have you ever been or are you now in psychotherapy? does your therapist disclose anything about himself or herself? what's this like for you? have you any desire for more disclosure from your therapist? has your therapy ever dealt with problems that, on a deeper inspection, turned out to be related to death anxiety? what does Dr. Yalom's advice that "to become wise you must learn to listen to the wild dogs barking in your cellar" mean to you?
I have never seen a professional therapist, but have, in my studies, executed several self analyzing therapeutic practices. Most of which are published in this blog. I would say that many of them are "deep", but this is by far my most personal public posting. I would say that yes, all of this, could be correlated to death anxiety. I want to leave part of me behind to "ripple" through the ages. I think that to "become wise" you need as full a specter on life as possible. This includes both the sorrow and the joy, the pain and the pleasures of life; inside and out, our good deeds and the darkness inside of us, criticism of our loves, and compassion for our enemies. My personal aphorism that I have since adopted to after writing the essay with the same title is "only through the pain." My only regret at death would be knowing that I did not take every opportunity to learn from the pangs and jots of life or share as much of that wisdom with the rest of the world as I could have.
Thank you for reading.
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